I receive a lot of emails from friends and family containing forwarded jokes. Earlier today I was sent this one by my mom. I have not seen this one before, nor do I have any idea where it originated, but I did feel it was worth sharing. I thought about sending it out via email, but figured I would just post it here and those who care can come and read it.

Enjoy.

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 pm – Oooh, Bath. Bummer.
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpt from a Cat’s Diary

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For
now…

I am always looking for cool & neat things to blog about here. Today a friend sent me a link that I had a little fun with, and thought I would share. The link was for Yearbook Yourself. You upload a photo, and it shows you what you would have looked like in an old year book. Once your photo is uploaded, you can select a year (1950-2000) to see what you would have looked like. Hours of fun … well, minutes at least.

Here are some photos that it generated of me:

1978	1982
1988	1990

A story on Fox News Wednesday caught my attention. A tiny primate known as a “pygmy tarsier” has been thought to be extinct as they have not been spotted in more than 85 years.

Back in 2000, scientists trapping rats believed they had accidentally trapped and killed one of these small 2oz creatures. This drove Sharon Gursky-Doyen from Texas A&M University to go and search for the small primate.

This past summer they were able to catch and fit three of the animals with radio collars. Gursky-Doyen was bitten by one, which later was eaten by a hawk – rough life for the little guy.

Funded by the National Geographic Society, researchers are learning more about these rare and mysterious nocturnal creatures.

They also make the perfect gift for Christmas, so be sure to buy one for your cat today.

Well, I am not going to go deep into this one, but the NRDC recently released a study noting that they estimated that gamers use up approximately $1 billion worth of energy per year on gaming alone – yes you heard right, $1 billion!

But hold on there just a minute. A report over at cnet says this figure is rather bloated, noting that NRDC estimated that 50% of gamers leave their consoles on 24 hours a day. What? 24 hours a day? Really? Who on earth does that?

I am not much of a gamer, but I do enjoy playing with my Wii now and then, usually for an hour at a time, (that’s my Nintendo Wii for you perverts out there), I can’t imagine it being on 31. (31, you know, 24 + 7 = 31… you don’t watch ‘Two and a Half Men’ do you?).

Regardless, I don’t argue that a ton of power is gobbled up by gamers, but what about all those other power hungry people, like those using electric lawnmowers, they have to account for something – unplug that drain on the grid and burn some fossil fuels already!

Employees are suing for unpaid overtime resulting from a lengthy boot time of Windows Vista according to The Register.

A number of lawsuits have resulted against major US companies, but primarily call centers are the worst offenders. It seems that employees use time-keeping systems in their PC’s and can not official clock in for work until their computer has fully booted – in some cases taking as long as 15 minutes. The same time lag is also present when employees shut down their machines at the end of they day, accounting for a total of around 2 hours a week of unpaid time.

Total damages could run into millions of dollars – probably would have been cheaper just to install more ram or faster CPU’s in the first place.

Now, I have Vista, and while there are glitches that annoy me, the boot up time is not anywhere near 15 minutes. At times, when it seems to be taking forever, the lag is usually about 2 minutes max, so I am not sure what’s up with these vastly underpowered machines that are taking 15 minutes – regardless, these employees really should be paid for their time, even if it is waiting for the computer.

My question is, how much work time is wasted each week by Vista users circumnavigating glitches in the OS?

So I was out looking at stuff… what I can’t remember exactly, just stuff – Ahh, I remember now, I was browsing over at Truemors reading about two faced cats, designer vagina’s, and death of the Twitter fail whale.

Anyways, I saw a comment by a guy named Scott – I thought, cool, another Scott, so I clicked his link, and scanned his “Scott blog”. Then, I got to thinking – I wonder how many other Scott blogs there are out there.

This is when I decided to create the “Scott Blog List“.  To get on the list the domain name must contain the name “Scott” and the site must be a blog site. If you have a “Scott Blog” Send me a link via my contact page, and I will post your URL on the list, (I wont even use the nofollow tag!!!) You can link to me too if you want, but I don’t require it, but it would be cool, so do it.

Here are the first 5 “Scott Blogs” I came across. Not sure if they are interesting yet – don’t have time to read them right now, but wanted to start off my list. The official List will have a much longer list so check it out.

scottdot.com
scottwesterfeld.com/blog
scottjurek.com/blog
scottdickerson.com/blog
scottandersonblog.com

There’s the starter list – All Scotts out there, Send Me More!

Now I’ve heard it all…

Read about this earlier today in The Herald. Usually when there is a police chase, it’s the result of some felon trying to escape his evil doings associated with robbery, murder, drugs, or something along those lines. This is the first time I have heard of one instigated by a man making sweet sweet love to a pasta jar.

Over in Australia police approached a vehicle stopped in a no-parking zone. When they pulled up to the car with their lights flashing, suspect, Keith Roy Weatherley sped away. Police followed in a high speed pursuit, at times reaching a lightning fast 20 km/h (about 12 MPH for all your American readers).

The chase lasted about 10 minutes when Weatherley was finally stopped – he refused to leave the car. Using batons and capsicum spray, they removed him from the vehicle and found a 750ml jar around his “special purpose”, which he continued to use to pleasure himself while police wrestled him to the ground.

After searching his car, police found pornography, a home made sex toy, women’s stockings, and a Jack Russell terrier.

He was fined $600.

You just can’t make this stuff up!

It looks like further advances in USB technology are just around the corner. While you won’t find the device available in time for Christmas this year, and possibly not even next year, by 2010, it will likely be in personal computers all over the world.

USB 2.0 has been around for a few years now and is common place on all new computers and peripherals, but before long it will start to be phased out with the next generation – USB 3.0.

USB 3.0 is going to deliver higher power efficiency, the ability to recharge a wider variety of gadgets, and due to its incredibly increased speed, will possibly even wipe out FireWire. Speeds achieved via USB 3.0 are expected to be up to 10 times faster than 2.0.

If you want to know more Wired has a far more detailed article on this upcoming technological improvement.

I read one of the funniest things ever today over at Wired.

A woman named Susan had used her husband’s iPhone and noticed a photo of his “special purpose” attached to an email in his “sent items” folder. The email was addressed to a woman with a Yahoo account.

She confronted her husband about this and he told her that, yes, he had taken the picture, but had never sent it to anyone – he said it was an “iPhone glitch” that randomly takes photos stored in the phone, and attaches them to emails located in the “sent” folder.

Susan then posted a question in an Apple support thread asking if this glitch is real, noting her marriage depends on the answer.

I think it’s time she looks for a good divorce attorney.

FYI: “Special Purpose” is how Steve Martin referred to his penis in the 1979 movie, “The Jerk”. …Just in case you were wondering.

Nothing like a fresh glass of urine in the morning! Last week NASA sent up a gift to the International Space Station, and it could have astronauts literally drinking their pee with a twist of sweat and a dash of shaving cream.

A new water purification system will save NASA huge amounts of money once hooked up and ready to go. Currently the cost to ship a pint of fresh water to space is around $10,000. The new system will drastically reduce the fresh shipments by making use of existing liquids already in space.

Soon the new “Water Recovery System” will take in fluids used in showering, shaving, tooth brushing, hand washing, water vapor and sweat from inside space suits, and yes even urine, and produce fresh, clean, clear water – water that is actually more pure than the stuff that comes out of your kitchen faucet.

Recycling water and oxygen is critical to sustaining life in space, which makes this is an important step forward.

I have seen shows where raw sewage is taken and purified to produce water that is cleaner than anything you’d get from your tap, but this still disgusts me. It’s entirely mental – I’m sure that if someone gave me two glasses, one with tap water, and one with recycled urine, I would probably find the old pee tastes better, but still, it’s a difficult concept to swallow.