Got this in an email forward a ways back, and just stumbled on it again, figured I would share with anyone who wants to have a bit of a laugh.

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
50 lbs.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes..

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in 9th grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she’s 18.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
‘Are you sure it’s mine?’

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What’s the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo?
An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F… Word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What’s the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time..’
A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this sh i it…’

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides

Well, after much complaining, and eventually even contacting an exec, our issues regarding the promised and reneged $10 / month discount have been resolved.

I am pleased to note that I received a phone call this morning from the man I contacted a little over a week ago. He noted that while he could not find any evidence that we were offered the $10 discount, he has gone ahead and given us one anyways!

While having to go through all this hassle to get what we were promised was a huge pain, It is great that once we connected with the right agent, he was able and willing to help us, and has made us whole. Just goes to show that persistence pays off.

Update: Added This Poll on Sept 19, 2012! Vote Please!

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So I rediscovered my copy of Tiger Woods Golf 07 for the Wii and started playing it again. It got me interested in the newest version, “10” but with the newest “11” coming out in just over a month, I will probably just wait.

I would be happy with 10, but when I checked Walmart, it was still $59!! The new version is almost here and the year old version is the same price as when it first came out!

I did manage to find a USED copy for $54!!! Are you kidding me? Who would pay that for used??

Anyways, when 11 is released I’ll give that a try.

The first season Lost was on, I didn’t really watch it – I didn’t really care. Then in the late fall of 2005 that all changed.

My wife and I had just moved to the far North. Our neighbor & new friend Chad had also just moved and didn’t have his TV hooked up yet and asked if he could come over and watch Lost at our house – he was a LOST junkie. When he offered to bring some Crown Royal over with him, we said yes. Two things happened that night – I became a fan of LOST … & Crown Royal. We had a LOST party every Wednesday night for the rest of that Season.

It’s now 5 years later, and we are down to the last few remaining episodes. I have not missed a single one since that evening in November 2005. Somehow even my wife got hooked – and she hates these types of shows. There are still more questions than answers, but they are starting to fill in the blanks as we near the end.

It is kind of bitter sweet. It will be nice to put the show behind me and not be left wondering “wtf” but at the same note, I think I will miss it – I have never been as hooked on a television show before, well, except maybe The Office, but it’s a different animal.

LOST is like crack. I am in many ways sick of watching it as it can be frustrating with all the questions it poses, but at the same time I cant not watch it, I must get my answers. I wanted to stop a few seasons ago, but needed my fix when it was on. They did almost lose me in that huge dry spell caused by the writers strike a few years back.

Wonder if I will go through LOST withdrawl in a few months time. Chad, if you are reading this, Cheers! I’ll have my glass of Crown during that final episode – I’d watch it with you, but the 10 hour trip to get to your place is just a tad too long for a TV show.

Well, after some complaining and an email targeted at a high-level exec, we have made some headway on our issue with Bell Canada.

Here is the summary of our initial issue:

• When we first phoned, the rep promised us a $10 / month credit for 12 months, in ADDITION to the $200 PVR Programming credit
• We got the $200 credit, but they refused to give us the $10 credit, essentially saying that the don’t offer such a thing.

What it sounds like happened is that the rep did not know the services very well, and mistook the $10 PVR rental credit, to think it applies to all new sign-ups regardless of if the PVR is purchased or rented. That is how their current promo works apparently, however, as a customer calling to ask what they could offer is to determine if we should switch, one has to assume the rep knows what he/she is talking about.

In the end, the rep made an offer, we accepted it, and Bell declined part of the offer. Even if the rep made a mistake, it should still be honored.

Well, all of this made us angry, after all $120 in credits over 12 months is a decent chunk of change. While reading a forum thread where people were complaining about Bell I stumbled on a post that had the emails of some high-level execs, so I thought, if customer service won’t help me, maybe these guys will.

I fired off an email with my situation, and left it at that, never expecting to hear from anyone about the topic again, however, later that day, I got an email response from the assistant to the exec requesting my account number.

Today that assistant called me and we spoke. They are investigating and will be looking up that initial phone call. He said that if they can find the original call that promisses the discount, then they will honor it. That’s fantastic news. He promised to call me back next Friday either way with the outcome.

Now, IF they are able to dig up that original call, I know for a fact they will hear the offer, and should give us the credit. If this happens, it will restore much of my trust in this company, but not all of it – after all, this issue should never have been an issue in the first place!

My bit of pessimism tells me though that this assistant could do nothing and then simply call me back noting that the call could not be found, and decline the offer again. I would hope they are honest enough to look into it, but time will tell. I’ll post an update when a final decision is made.

Interesting Note: The manpower they are using to investigate this is costing them more than the $120 in credits – it would have saved them money to just give us the credit in the first place – oh well.

Apparently George Washington owes $300,000 in late fees for two books borrowed on Oct 5, 1789.

The New York Society Library said they are not actively pursuing the overdue fines, but would be very happy if they could get the books back.

Crazyness.

Bell Canada, Oh why did we switch to you? You tempted us with $200 off in credit if we bought a PVR. We got this credit. You tempted us with better programming options than your competitor. We got that programming. You tempted us with $10 off per month on programming for the first year. We got…wait? No we didn’t get this….

We called you to find out about switching from Shaw Direct, and what you could offer us. You told us, on more than one occasion about the $10/month programming credit. That helped cinch the deal, we signed up with you, we canceled our 5 year relationship with Shaw Direct – then you decided to breach this contract by reneging on part of the deal you offered to us to get us to switch!

We called numerous times to complain, and finally the best you could offer was a $20 credit, not the originally contracted and promised $10/month for 12 months. – yet we are still bound to your two year contract!?! We took the $20 you offered, cause lets face it, $20 is still $20.

We are in a touch situation here. In most cases this $100 deficit in your contracted promise would result in us canceling service with you and switching back to Shaw Direct. But you have us over a barrel

While we are extremely UNHAPPY with you, and will NOT recommend ANYONE to ever use Bell Satellite services we will stay with you. Here is why.

First let me note that we don’t care about the contract. If we wanted to cancel we are not worried about those contract cancellation fees simply because you breached the contract first. Its that simple. It will not go to court or anything like that, but if it did, you are clearly in the wrong. You breach first, you lose. (I may be wrong here, but because we are not canceling, this us a mute point anyways)

The reason we will stay with you is because the loss of the $100 in promised credit is exceeded by the cost to switch providers. If we were to switch back to Shaw Direct, we need to buy a new PVR. Even after credits etc, the cost of a new PVR would ultimately far exceed that $100, so financially it actually makes sense to stay with you, even though we hate you. Your programming / channel line up is great, we are happy with that. It’s just your policies in handling customer disputes that we are, well quite frankly, pissed at.

You say you record all calls – why you refused to listen to the original call from when we signed up is beyond me. It really makes me wonder how many other people have been promised an offer, signed up, then had that offer reduced with no recourse. Not a good way to run a business…. Or is it? You are probably making Billions off it.

Update: Added This Poll on Sept 19, 2012! Vote Please!

Who is the Best TV Provider?

• Bell (Satellite)
• Shaw Direct (Satellite)
• Telus TV (Satellite)
• Telis Optik TV
• Shaw Exo TV

View Results

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Emma Emma Emma. During the week my two year old tends to get up sometime between 6 and 7 am. I have grown accustomed to that, and its just fine with me. For some reason she decided however, that on weekends 5am is a much better time.

5am? Come on! I think she is torturing me, and today, it was my turn to get up with her, so my wife is laying in our super-comfortable, nice warm cozy bed while i sit on the couch watching Tree House.

You know what – its not that bad. Any time I get to spend with my little cutie is good time, 5am or not – at least she is snuggling up to me while watching her show.

HAVE YOU EVER RECEIVED EMAILS FROM FRIENDS OR CLIENTS THAT WERE WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS? DID IT FREAK YOU OUT A BIT AT FIRST GLANCE?

I hate the instant emotional reaction caused by writing in all caps. Without reading it, it comes across as negative and sparks something inside my brain that says “oh crap, what now”. It causes an initial spike in blood pressure, and puts me on edge – at least if it’s from someone important.

I received an email from a client today that was written in all caps. Freaked me out, then I read it. It had comments like “THAT’S GREAT” and “NO PROBLEM”. The entire email was very positive – and honestly I couldn’t have expected anything different, but just glancing at the CAPS gave me the initial impression that I had somehow screwed something up – of course I hadn’t.

If you are one of those all caps typists, do everyone a favor, turn off caps lock!

This is just hilarious. This old man is the perfect actor for the job!