Of all the kids in the hall skits, for some reason I always remembered this one.

Got this in an email forward a ways back, and just stumbled on it again, figured I would share with anyone who wants to have a bit of a laugh.

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it’s worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
50 lbs.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes..

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in 9th grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she’s 18.

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
‘Are you sure it’s mine?’

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What’s the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo?
An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F… Word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What’s the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time..’
A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this sh i it…’

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one’s tall enough to go on the good rides

Beer contains female hormones! Yes, that’s right, FEMALE hormones!

Last month, Sydney University and scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer..

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones(hops contain Phytoestrogens) and
that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men each drank 8 schooners of beer within a one (1) hour period..

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men:-

1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional

6) Couldn’t drive.

7) Failed to think rationally, and

Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary!!